Every man once passes through hell called the Middle Age Crisis. More precisely, he believes that he passes through hell. In fact, everything is a little different …
In fact, it’s not the man who travels in the netherworld, but the unfortunate one, who at this moment is nearby. While the spouse with taste wrings hands, his half is forced to be smart, patient and understanding, like the wife of Father Odor or Sofia Andrea, for example.
In fact, of course, to be the wife of Father Odor or not to be – you decide. But to what men call a crisis, it is better to prepare in advance.
The sadness of Middle Age
The crisis husband will be sad and be whining. From morning till night. For any idiotic occasion. He will whine, because:
- Monday Thursday;
- The house ran out of coffee, coffee is, but not the sort;
- world financial crisis;
- life failed, and so on.
In this atmosphere of slobbery whining, you will need to remain benevolent and active. However, your benevolence will also upset him. Because he – all abandoned lonely tuberose, and his wife all this shines with kindness, a scoundrel. Read more: Breast exercises: 5 ways to pump up the pectoral muscles
When the husband will not be sad, he will be angry. And, as a consequence, to dig up to everyone, first of all – to you. Even if you know how to cook borscht “like my mother”, play Schubert on bagpipes and dance Kandinsky – it will infuriate him.
“You do not say this, you look at it that way, you do not behave yourself”.
At such times you will very much want to hang it for the bells to the chandelier, but this desire, unfortunately, you do not realize. Firstly, it’s heavy. And, secondly, he has the same crisis! Read more: 5 habits that quickly repel money
The crisis husband will turn into a hellish paranoid. He will be seriously sure that everything that is happening in the world is being done to “bring him to the handle/ duke/grave.” It would be tolerable, limit the poor fellow to the theory of the Sadomasochism conspiracy, but one day he will seriously blame the mother-in-law for deliberately overcooking cutlets. “Why would she do this?” – ask you and get in return – “Yes to kill me!”. And he will check checks from the supermarket, secretly read your mail and absolutely know that someone (of course the mother-in-law, who else?) Persuaded the cat to poke into his slippers.
Over time, he will begin to recall and litter all real and imaginary “grievances.” It turns out that over the years of your joint existence, the grievances have accumulated to hell. Then you will discover the depths of the male subconscious. You will be surprised to learn that 10 years ago they threw out his Most Beloved T-shirt. You will find out that he has been waiting all the years of your marriage when you will guess to congratulate him on the Day of the Marine. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT – in 2008 you ate cherry yogurt, and he so wanted it! And God forbid you to say that “yogurt was excellent.”
A rotten movie
He will start listening to strange music and watching strange movies. Prepare for the fact that all the time, free from obsessions, whims, and whining, he will stick into something heavy, mournful and suicidal. Under these “grave tunes,” you will wake up and fall asleep. And instead of family comedies and detectives, you’ll reconsider a dreary “boyish” documentary about submarines, airships, fortification and dead mustachioed generals a hundred times.
When you are going out with a crisis husband on the street or on a visit, do not wait for the turd to turn into an ice cream. Scandals with neighbors, disassembly with janitors, assaults on waiters and sellers, as well as regular skirmishes with drivers of neighboring cars will become commonplace. Better arm yourself with optimism and pepper spray. Because in 99% of the cases of 100 it turns out that the driver of a neighboring car is also experiencing a midlife crisis.
At some point, he will say that “something must be changed globally.” Of course, he will start with you, but by this time you will already learn how to beat his attacks and just send him to a known address. And then everything that was before, including the statement to the district police officer, which the neighbors submitted to you, will seem like florets. Because the active crisis husband is much more dangerous than the passive. At best, he will get himself a dachshund and a young mistress, at worst – will spend your long-term savings on extreme tourism or gambling. And he will start to wander around informal parties, buy a new T-shirt with Che, a bike or a helicopter. Endure it or not – it’s up to you.
In the end, it will inevitably incur! And he will certainly do something irreparable. Declare, for example, that all his life he did not do it, but in fact, he is a genius stockbroker, a web designer or, worse, a writer. Under this inconsistent delirium, he will quit his normal job and plunge himself into the abyss of merciless freelancing, and the family (and children) into a full financial ass. It is impossible to dissuade him from this, to appeal to reason is meaningless. This catastrophe can only be waited, if, of course, the laurels of Sofia Andrea still entice you.
The final chord
The crisis husband can leave. Really can. But if he had tried so well at all the stages described above, then, most likely, you will think “Maxim’s death, and the hell with him.” And you will be right.