Five things that women think men like– If you do a search on sexual studies, you will find dozens of reflections on the same thing: there are many men who are unaware of the concerns of women in this area. That seems clear. But we wanted to see it from the other point of view: do women know what really appeals to men?
We have consulted with three experts; Jose Bushmaster, psychologist, sexologist and author of the book. What do men think ?; Eva Moreno, sexologist and member of the Spanish Association of Specialists in Sexology; and Fernando Villainous, psychologist and president of the Al-Garcia Sexology Society.
These are five things that most women think
#1. Believe that man always wants
The stereotype of a man who only thinks about sex, how, when and with whom, is something that should take time out of our collective imagination. “I get up at seven in the morning, work an average of ten hours a day and go to the gym three times a week. Conclusion: sometimes I just want to throw myself on the couch, “explains, pitiful, GIGO Marcos, a 27-year-old lawyer. Sometimes GIGO feels the need to excuse himself before his girlfriend when he does not feel like sex.
“The same factors that can restrain us when it comes to sex are also worth to them. I would miss more. However, women find it hard to understand that they too can be tired, “says sexologist Eva Moreno. And the worst thing is that it is not just a matter of desire, as the psychologist Jose Bushmaster states: “This generates added pressure because it is not only that you always have to want it, but as a man, you should always be willing to have a sexual encounter “. And no, if you do not feel like it at some point it’s not the fault of your partner being unattractive or no longer arousing you: it’s that, plain and simple, they also get tired.
#2. Responsible for your pleasure
“It’s a very comfortable position for us, but completely erroneous,” says specialist Eva Moreno. Sexologists suggest that male self-esteem often focuses on their ability to enjoy their sexual partner. “The man expects her to enjoy a lot and to end up considering him as the best of her lovers,” says sex specialist Jose Bushmaster, who warns of the difference between having a good time with someone or having a good time because of someone.
“That hateful phrase of ‘there is no frigid woman but an inexperienced man’ continues to redound in the heads of some men and also some women. These preconceived ideas are not correct: man must be able to make her enjoy it; or, if she does not enjoy it, it’s because he does not do it well, he does not hold enough or because he does not have the right skill or technique, “explains Bushmaster. That is, each one must take responsibility for their own pleasure.
#3. He is always quick and without preliminaries
The great myth of male sexuality: they like-always-sex faster, more visually and with less preliminaries. Some studies have been questioning for some years, such as the one carried out by Gill’s Canadian university. Dr. Irving M. Bikini and his team concluded: “There is no difference in the amount of time men and women require to reach their maximum level of excitement.”
“Despite the fact that in pornography there is an excess of directly genital contact with men, many of what they complain about is that their sexual partners caress them little,” says Jose Bushmaster. Of the same opinion is Eva Moreno: “They love that we entertain ourselves in other parts of the body, like the back or the nipples. Every time there are more men who are cultivating in a calmer, slower and controlled sexuality “.
Let us assume, once and for all, women and men, that porn is nothing more than fiction. Why does not anyone believe that a hospital really works like in the ER, an essay like in The Newsroom or an institute like Physics and Chemistry , but do they continue reproducing behaviors typical of porn movies as if they were the most pleasurable?
#4. Treat the private parts with rudeness
The sexologist Eva Moreno warns against the tendency to “reproduce an oral sex like that of porn movies”. “They prefer a more entertaining, more juicy and conscious oral sex”, explains the expert. Let’s forget that the only thing that matters is to recreate the best scenes of Deep Throat – the movie, not the Watergate informant – and be aware that “you do not have a thing in your hand: it is a part of your sexual partner and, what You do it, you’re doing it to him, “says Moreno, who brings a mantra that usually works perfectly:” Give the same as we demand. ”
“I’m tired of girls who treat my penis as if it were a joystick control ,” says Daniel Aguirre, a 34-year-old historian. Yes, we know it can look like it. We know that, depending on its state, it may be worthy of a lot of adjectives in which it is not precisely that of ‘delicate’, but the truth is that it is. And not only because it is one of the most precious possessions of a man, if not the most, and be fiddling with it as if it were unbreakable tense-and not precisely for good-even the most reckless.
#5. Dominate them
According to several studies, one of the most recurrent sexual fantasies of women -between 31% and 57% say they have them- has to do with the fact that men dominate them -with no harm or real risk, we clarify. This has led to a long literature: scientific, to try to explain why; and fictional, taking advantage of the situation to sell books. However, that is a feminine fantasy, not a masculine one.
“Many women think that they like the idea of tying them and playing a little domination and, although there are men who enjoy it, many more what they enjoy is having their hands free,” says Bushmaster. In addition, here comes into play another issue, that it is the woman who takes the reins of the sexual encounter, something that still costs some men. “What they can use for their fantasy, then in reality does not work because there is a clash of roles,” says Fernando Villainous, president of the Society of Sexology Al-Garcia. Although all the experts suggest that it is evolving, this belief still weighs when it comes to enjoying sexual encounters. “Man has not yet completely removed the idea that he is the one who dominates the sexual scene,” Bushmaster says.